Rumor Has It…
On his recent visit to Saudi Arabia, President Joe Biden said he did not feel any nervousness or anxiety in meeting with Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman until he saw what was displayed on the table between them: a knife, an ax, a saw and a cutting board.
Jared Kushner recently said that his father-in-law Donald Trump was a fighter, “He’s always been a fighter.” That’s why he is suffering such brain damage after his epic battle against 16-year-old 90-pound Swedish environmental activist Greta Thunberg.
Republican National Committee Chairwoman Ronna McDaniel is upset over the new IRS funding program that targets only the wealthiest taxpayers and corporations. “They should be targeting poor people, shouldn’t they? After all, there’s more of them!”
When Donald Trump learned he might be indicted on several charges of espionage, money laundering, bribery, witness tampering, etc., his family and friends immediately began ordering more diapers and soft rubber golf clubs.
Senator Mitch McConnell and several other Republican lawmakers have been on the offense since President Biden’s $20,000 student debt cancellation. They have been overheard stating that “more people receiving these loan cancellations tend to be graduates in the fields of health, math, science and engineering. And everyone knows well-educated people are a danger to our American way of life.”
Glenn Beck, a master of telling fairy tales, was recently asked if he would be willing to travel to Taiwan for a visit. He replied, “No! Leaving the west coast to travel westward might cause me to fall off the edge of the earth!”
Florida Governor Ron Descants has put out a new law banning any books that might contain words that are not to his liking. Among the latest books to be banned, Webster’s Dictionary.
Donald Trump recently suffered a severe heart attack followed by a stroke. His critical condition is believed to have been brought on by five cheeseburgers, six diet Cokes, and…Jared Kushner.
Sound technicians have to move their microphones down behind Donald Trump’s backside whenever he speaks, so they can better pick up what he’s saying.
Tucker Carlson suffers the same ruddy orange complexion as Donald Trump because he is afflicted with the same serious complications of inflamed hemorrhoids.
Many preschool children in America were highly insulted when they were told that Donald Trump’s hissy-fit tantrums were like that of a spoiled little four-year-old.
The Case for Non-Lethal Bullets
Whereas the general population of the United States can no longer tolerate the shooting to death of fellow citizens and especially children in school classrooms; and
Whereas we know that private citizens are not willing to give up their guns and that manufacturers are not willing to give up the production and lucrative sales of these weapons;
We therefore recommend the halting of lethal bullet manufacturing to be replaced by non-lethal bullets.
Such bullets should consist of a softer perhaps sponge rubber bullet with a much lower muzzle velocity, which, though possible capable of penetrating a paper target, would be incapable of penetrating skin.
All lethal bullets in the possession of civilian citizens would be exchanged for an equal number of non-lethal bullets within a reasonable period of time to be set by law. After that period of time, anyone found in possession of lethal bullets would face a fine for each bullet.
For home protection, private citizens could substitute mace or tasers.
Hunters who insist on the right to kill game animals would, when applying for a hunting license, purchase the number of lethal bullets for the hunting season, and any unused bullets could be turned in for a refund on their deposit.
This would satisfy pretty much all people involved in this dilemma, and the most important problem we face is the protection of innocent people from the tragedy of gunshot wounds and death, without infringing on the rights of the Second Amendment.